Sunday, 16 March 2008


I wouldn't attempt to defend my spotty morals, or whitewash

My flaws with aggressive lies.

If it's any help, I confess. Admission of guilt. Then why not

Go the whole hog, indict

My faults myself? I hate what I am, yet (try as I may) can't

Not be the thing that revolts me. It's hell

Being stuck with what you can't kick. I lack all firmness

And strength to control my moods, get whirled away

Like a skiff in a current. There's no one type of beauty

That arouses my longing: if I'm always in love

Blame my wide-ranging interests. Shyness and modesty spark me

Off every time - a demurely lowered face

And I'm hooked. But it's just the same if she's pertly forward:

Sophistication promises well in bed.

A primly old-fashioned appearance, then? I always suspect that's

Mere camouflage for unacknowledged desire.

A bluestocking turns me on with her intellectual powers,

A featherbrain ditto just by being naive.

Then there's the girl who tells me Callimachus is a bungler

Compared to me - I always go for my fans -

Or the critical termagant who slates both poems and author:

How I long to be laid by her as well!

One's got a slinky walk: that gets me. Another's uptight -

She can be softened out with a little sex.

A fine operatic voice, for me, is a standing temptation

To smother the singer with kisses in mid-song.

Guitar-lessons help. Watch those fingers - the chords, the glissandos!

How fail to fall in love with such clever hands?

Then think of the floor-show dancer, arms weaving in rhythm,

Doing undulant bumps and grinds:

Never mind about me (I'm just omnisusceptible), make pure

Hippolytus watch her act

And even he'd go priapic.

You're tall, like the heroines of legend,

Lie the full length of a bed;

But petite girls, too, are attractive. I'm sold on both sizes -

Long and short alike are equally to my taste.

The fashionable I enjoy at their face-value, the unsmart

For all they could be, a la mode.

I'm crazy for girls who are fair-haired and pale-complexioned -

But brunettes make great lovers too:

The sight of dark tresses against a snow-white neck reminds me

That Leda was famed for her black curls,

While a flaxen poll calls up thoughts of blonde Aurora -

My sex-life runs the entire

Mythological gamut. My tastes are equally all-embracing:

Young girls have the looks - but when it comes to technique

Give me an older woman. In short, there's a vast cross-section

Of desirable beauties in Rome - and I want them all!

Ovid, The Amores, Ch. 4 Book 2, trans. Peter Green

Girls Girls Girls - Sailor

Girls - Beastie Boys

Pretty Girls Everywhere - Eugene Church

Twenty To One - Lord Kitchener

21 Girl Salute - Barrington Levy

A Beautiful Girl/Music To Watch Girls By - John Rydgren

(With thanks to the 365 Days Project)

The Girl From Ipanema - Elvis Costello

Fat Bottom Girls - Hayseed Dixie

Cape Cod Girls - Baby Gramps

Seven Sisters Blues - J.T. Smith

Little Sister - Ry Cooder

Hard Headed Woman - Elvis Presley

Give Me A Woman - Andy Starr

Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild Wild Women - Tex Ritter

Wine, Women And Song - Harry Gritts

Whiskey, Weed and Women - Hank Williams III

Woman [Previously Unreleased] - Free

Voodoo Woman - Koko Taylor

Independent Women/Dreadlock Holiday - Soulwax (Destiny's Child vs 10cc)

Women Women Women - Shelley Lee Alley and his Alley Cats

Sittin' On Top Of The World - Bob Wills and The Texas Playboys

The Girl With The Pre-Fabricated Heart - Fernand Leger/Hans Richter - The Real Tuesday Weld with Cibelle and David Piper: DREAMS THAT MONEY CAN BUY

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