I wouldn't attempt to defend my spotty morals, or whitewash
My flaws with aggressive lies.
If it's any help, I confess. Admission of guilt. Then why not
Go the whole hog, indict
My faults myself? I hate what I am, yet (try as I may) can't
Not be the thing that revolts me. It's hell
Being stuck with what you can't kick. I lack all firmness
And strength to control my moods, get whirled away
Like a skiff in a current. There's no one type of beauty
That arouses my longing: if I'm always in love
Blame my wide-ranging interests. Shyness and modesty spark me
Off every time - a demurely lowered face
And I'm hooked. But it's just the same if she's pertly forward:
Sophistication promises well in bed.
A primly old-fashioned appearance, then? I always suspect that's
Mere camouflage for unacknowledged desire.
A bluestocking turns me on with her intellectual powers,
A featherbrain ditto just by being naive.
Then there's the girl who tells me Callimachus is a bungler
Compared to me - I always go for my fans -
Or the critical termagant who slates both poems and author:
How I long to be laid by her as well!
One's got a slinky walk: that gets me. Another's uptight -
She can be softened out with a little sex.
A fine operatic voice, for me, is a standing temptation
To smother the singer with kisses in mid-song.
Guitar-lessons help. Watch those fingers - the chords, the glissandos!
How fail to fall in love with such clever hands?
Then think of the floor-show dancer, arms weaving in rhythm,
Doing undulant bumps and grinds:
Never mind about me (I'm just omnisusceptible), make pure
Hippolytus watch her act
And even he'd go priapic.
You're tall, like the heroines of legend,
Lie the full length of a bed;
But petite girls, too, are attractive. I'm sold on both sizes -
Long and short alike are equally to my taste.
The fashionable I enjoy at their face-value, the unsmart
For all they could be, a la mode.
I'm crazy for girls who are fair-haired and pale-complexioned -
But brunettes make great lovers too:
The sight of dark tresses against a snow-white neck reminds me
That Leda was famed for her black curls,
While a flaxen poll calls up thoughts of blonde Aurora -
My sex-life runs the entire
Mythological gamut. My tastes are equally all-embracing:
Young girls have the looks - but when it comes to technique
Give me an older woman. In short, there's a vast cross-section
Of desirable beauties in Rome - and I want them all!
Ovid, The Amores, Ch. 4 Book 2, trans. Peter Green
Pretty Girls Everywhere - Eugene Church
Twenty To One - Lord Kitchener
21 Girl Salute - Barrington Levy
A Beautiful Girl/Music To Watch Girls By - John Rydgren
(With thanks to the 365 Days Project)
The Girl From Ipanema - Elvis Costello
Fat Bottom Girls - Hayseed Dixie
Seven Sisters Blues - J.T. Smith
Hard Headed Woman - Elvis Presley
Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild Wild Women - Tex Ritter
Wine, Women And Song - Harry Gritts
Whiskey, Weed and Women - Hank Williams III
Woman [Previously Unreleased] - Free
Independent Women/Dreadlock Holiday - Soulwax (Destiny's Child vs 10cc)
Women Women Women - Shelley Lee Alley and his Alley Cats
Sittin' On Top Of The World - Bob Wills and The Texas Playboys
The Girl With The Pre-Fabricated Heart - Fernand Leger/Hans Richter - The Real Tuesday Weld with Cibelle and David Piper: DREAMS THAT MONEY CAN BUY
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